


Religion

by little_graham_cracker



Category: Hannibal (TV), Hannibal Lecter Series - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Biting, Blow Jobs, Bondage, Choking, Hannibal is just Hannibal, Hurt/Comfort, Internal Conflict, Light BDSM, M/M, Post-Episode: s03e13 The Wrath of the Lamb, Post-Finale, Will is drunk and doesn't know what he wants
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-05-11 23:58:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5646529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/little_graham_cracker/pseuds/little_graham_cracker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After all, Hannibal was right. I truly was his most faithful believer. I've always found his God complex amusing, but now, when I realized I was taking part in his cult, I felt terrified.<br/>He was my God, my Religion. I could deny it, I could hate him, I could fight him, I could even try to kill him. But in the end I was always crawling back to him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Religion

I frowned with disgust, when droplets of blood fell on my face. It was a second after Hannibal slit throat of a driver, whose car we stopped on a minor road. He rolled down the windows and asked if we needed any help. The only thing Hannibal did, was pulling him out of the car and cutting his throat. The man didn’t have time to even blink, when he found himself lying on the ground and gagging with blood. I turned my head from this view, not wanting to see his eyes, and how life was leaving them.

Hannibal must have felt that I did not feel really comfortable with this action, because he turned back to me and sent me a smile, which could be considered as apologetic, but in reality it looked rather devilish. I only whipped the blood off my face, having a feeling that with blood I’m also getting rid of my emotions.  
„Come on, Will, we don’t have all day.” I sighed quietly and got into the red, old, dodge. This driver must have been really keen on motorization, because the car was nicely restored, and you could see how much heart was put into it. I felt a little bit guilty that I didn’t know much about cars, and I couldn’t appreciate the work of this man.

I looked through the car window, to see his corpse, laying on the roadside, as we were driving away. I started to rummage in a car storage to see if I would find his driving license, only because I was curious what was his name. It was there, under old sandwich, some papers and glasses. His name was Tony Burke. Well, now I knew, and it still didn’t change anything. Somehow it made me sad.

Hannibal seemed focused on driving, but I’ve noticed that he was glimpsing at me from time to time, and there was something strange within his eyes. Finally he broke the tension and spoke.

“Will, I have to ask you something, because I feel that it bothers you. You pity that man don’t you? Well, you shouldn’t. His death was necessary for...

“I know, I know.” I interrupted impolitely, but I really didn’t want to hear what he intended to tell me. Hannibal sent me a disbelieving look. I was also surprised that I still had the strength to fight. However you looked at it, I was only postponing what was inevitable. I’ve already lost this war, but at least I wanted to keep Hannibal’s believes and views out of my head as long as it was possible. Although with each day that passed this possibility of remaining myself, was smaller and smaller. Well of course, the question was: how my real self even looked like. Maybe Hannibal wasn’t wrong at all. I sighed.

“I’m sorry. I understand that there wasn’t any option to keep him alive, as you are wanted in the whole country. And me too, since I’m probably suspected of helping you in the escape. But it’s just... This moment when his sight started to be blank was... really disturbing.”  
„I see, my boy. You will get used to it. I remember that in the beginning it also occurred to me as something... bizarre and remarkable.”

“Well... The word _remarkable_ wasn’t exactly the one I would use. But you are probably right. Please, let’s don’t talk about it now. I am so tired. Do you mind if I take a nap?”

“Not at all, my dear Will. You should rest.”

I closed my eyes, leaned my head on the glass and tried to still my breath.

I wasn’t tired at all, I just wanted to have some time for myself in silence, without Hannibal’s voice in my ears, so mesmerizing and so improper.

I was worried, that Hannibal might not be wrong. That I will get used to it. The truth was that I have already changed a lot. I remembered my first homicide, and how it influenced me, how many nightmares I had. How hard it was for me to look in the mirror. How awful and inhuman I felt.

And there was slaughter of Francis Dolarhyde, so different from killing Garrett Jacob Hobbs. Pure euphoria. Pure elation. And also, difficult to admit – pure love to Hannibal. I remember how it filled me, from my toes, to the top of my head.

This feeling was so enslaving. And it still remained somewhere in the area of my stomach, my full devotion and admiration to him. But for now it had to wait, because it was stifled by my dread. I knew that no matter what I would do, Hannibal had already won and there was no way back. But it wasn’t easy for me to just give up.

My attempt to kill him or to kill us both was the final of our mutual, six-years-long war. A war for my morality, soul and affection for Hannibal.

I would have won it if I, or Hannibal, or both of us would have died. It would mean a liberation from each other. But I have failed, and we had survived the fall into furious sea.

And this is how the only human being that remained in my life was Hannibal Lecter. Half of me was whining in despair, half of me was ecstatic. But no matter what I said or did I landed on a dark and pebbly path, and Hannibal was the only one who could guide me. I had to follow him, no matter if I was happy about it or not.

Shortly after I fell asleep.

* * *

 

The motel room, which we had stayed in, was really sordid. The wallpaper was coming off the walls and it must have been ages since somebody washed the curtains, which were in the beginning white, now dirty-gray. In the bathroom I’ve seen some roaches running away from my feets to moist corners, and in the whole room you could smell a scent of mold. Generally the impression wasn’t really pleasant. So I was a little bit surprised, when Hannibal laid down on the bed, nuzzling into musty sheet. He sighed with relief, so tired he was. I snorted.

“I thought that you wouldn’t be satisfied with quality of this motel, and there you go, snuggling into bed like a little baby. You seem more like a normal human being when you’re tired.”

“I take it as a compliment.” Hannibal purred in answer. He slowly pulled himself up on elbows, turned back to have a better view on me and smiled with the corners of his lips.

“I wasn’t the one who was sleeping soundly for the last few hours. And about quality of the motel, when your life philosophy looks like mine, thus the absence of any morals, you have to be prepared to live in any conditions that will be accessible for you in a particular moment. Believe me or not, a room with some mold in the air isn’t at the top of my list of the worst accommodations.”

I snorted and sat beside him.

“Neither on mine. Well, we both were at Hospital for the Criminally Insane. I think that comparing to that accommodation,all others look more like a picnic.”

“This is what I’ve meant.”

Our eyes met for a brief moment. It was strange to see him like that. Without his perfectly tailored suit and tie, with messy hair and stubble. And yet he still had a lot of dignity in his posture and eyes. Even so exhausted after hours of driving, preceded by days without any rest and being injured, there was still a perceptible shade of predator in his movements. The thing that was both the most exciting and the most dreadful about him.

I caught myself on sliding my eyes on him. And even when I noticed it I still couldn’t stop. Oh dear... In what have I put myself? Hannibal raised his head and my eyes where already there. I decided that I won’t dodge and I will maintain as much pride as I can.

“Will, can you pass me that bag over there? I want to check something.”

I reached for a bag of Tony Burke with some more and less useful equipment. We found this in his trunk. In our position everything could be useful.

When I was passing the bag, our hands met. I shivered in a barely noticeable way. It was the first time we touched each other, after that night when we killed Dolarhyde. And this feeling was completely overwhelming. It felt like a lightning has hit my body and went all through it.

I raised my eyes which were little bit hazy and took a deep breath. Hannibal must have noticed it, because he looked amused. It was enough for me. I suddenly stood up.

“Uhm, I’m gonna go buy something. I definitely need a drink after what we’ve been through. Do you want something?”

“I would also have a drink, so please choose something decent.” I smirked nervously.

“I know that you consider me as a tasteless man in many areas, but alcohol isn’t one of them.” I was almost at the door when Hannibal spoke one more time.

“Will... come back fast.” He astonished me with this statement. I only nodded in answer and left.

 

* * *

 

I thought that old woman at the reception was joking when she said “You have to head east.” when I asked how would I get to the nearest gas station. But well, after few minutes of walk I understood, that it was the only way to describe this course.

I was wandering in the middle of nowhere, on the side of the highway. But my solitude didn’t bother me, the opposite, I was fully enjoying it. As always.

It was only a few people with whom the pressure I felt all the time wasn’t so big. Hannibal for example. I think, that despite our all ups and downs only in his presence I felt like a living person.

But still, nothing was as calming like a walk at night, only in company of myself. Because it was so far from any bigger city, I could see hundreds of stars above my head. A thought, that only I could see them, and they shine especially for me, somehow filled me with happiness. Everything was pleasantly plain around me, so it reassured me and this hurricane inside my head. I slowly started to think clearly.

I was recalling that scene in the motel all the time and it really disturbed me. Of course Hannibal always somehow lured me, with his calm and eeriness. With his wisdom and understanding for me. But he never attracted me in such a sexual manner. I’ve never desired Hannibal, until that moment. Something must have broken inside me. But I didn’t _want_ to desire Hannibal, especially knowing how big advantage it would give to him and how he would use it. It was like putting a knife into his hands, which were already gripping my neck. But on the other side, I’ve already lost… Why should I fight any longer?

I sighed and run through my curls with fingers. Oh dear, Graham, you’re doomed. But was there any time in my life when I wasn’t? This thought was so accurate and sad at the same time, that I laughed with all my heart.

 

 

The shop by the gas station was really badly illuminated. I hardly saw what was few meters in front of me. I somehow managed to find my way to a section with alcohol. The lamp in this area broke completely, so I had to pull out my lighter. I lit it and only then I was able to read the labels of bottles on shelves. I was a dedicated lover of whisky and I didn’t intend to break this long and passionate relationship. After few minuets of searching in this duskiness I have finally found my one true love. Hannibal could only dream about such an affection from me, which this little fella already had. Ballantine’s. I grabbed it and headed to cashier. I’ve also decided, that it is a good opportunity to buy some cigarettes.

Well, now this evening might be even bearable. After few shots even Hannibal was possible to handle.

 

* * *

 

When I came back to the motel I found Hannibal lying on the bed and watching TV. There was some stupid rom-com on air. Hannibal looked at me with exhaustion in his eyes.

“Every time I try to watch something broadcasted in public TV I recall why I do not watch television at all. This is a disaster.” I put my shopping on a little table near the door.

“Yeah, this thing what you're watching right now isn't really good. I've seen it a long time ago. I think they show it rather often. But there are also some good shows. We should watch them sometimes.”

Hannibal turned the television set off and then looked at me.

“And? What have you bought?” I smiled and took my precious bottle out of grocery bag.

“Ballantine's and some cigarettes. I hope you like it, it's my favorite one.”

“I also like it. It's taste is really gentle.” I was very pleased with his answer.

“I've asked receptionist if she had any glasses, I know you would appreciate some standard of drinking. She was so generous to lend us some of her tableware.”

“What a wonderful woman. We should drink to her prosperity.” I giggled hearing this subtle sarcasm in Hannibal's mouth. I poured some whisky to both glasses and passed one to Hannibal.

“To her prosperity.” I said drinking to the bottom. Hannibal looked really amused and also drank his part.

I sat in the armchair next to the bed, after pouring one more time. I wanted to sit in silence for a while. Hannibal also preferred it to conversation or he just respected my need. He sat at the edge of the bed looking in the window. I sighed with relief and only settled more comfortably in armchair. It was the thing in Hannibal I valued the most. He was one of the few or maybe even the only person who could respect my space and do it in the way that I didn't feel bad about it.

I took out one cigarette and lit it. I smoked rarely but tonight I needed to get drunk and smoke as much as I can. To bare the cross I took on my back. I know that with time I won't be perceiving it as a cross, even the opposite. And it scared me the most.

 

So I drank, to stop thinking about what we've done to Dolarhyde. To stop thinking about this slaughter, which was so disturbingly arousing. To stop thinking about what I've done to myself.

I knew that my old life was over and I could do nothing about it. On one hand I was terrified by the idea that I won't see Molly and Walter ever again. But on the other hand I knew that I have never been truly happy with them, like I was with Hannibal. And ironically, it was the simplest part of all this situation. He just understood me, like nobody else could, even in areas where I didn't want anyone to enter. Our connection, although so sick and twisted, was far beyond any verbal description. And it wasn't simply platonic, as I liked to think earlier. I ached for him and I couldn’t deny it. The situation from today only confirmed my concerns. I wanted him to touch me. I wanted to be close to him, as close as possible. It was inevitable that we will end up in sexual situation, if not today, then tomorrow or the day after. And the longer I thought about it, the more certain I was, that I wanted to have influence on the circumstances of this situation. I didn't want to be just an element of it, I wanted to somehow initiate it. I was sick of still being the victim of Hannibal's manipulations and plans. I wanted to create those plans and be an active part of it. If we desired each other there wasn't an escape from what was about to come. And I was sure that at least I wanted to decide when it was going to happen.

I poured myself one more drink.

 

* * *

 

A few glasses later I slid from the armchair to the floor. I did it in a really smooth way, but I couldn't deny, that I was wasted. I laughed at myself, how pitiful I was. Oh, but I've always loved this state of my mind, even knowing that the next day I would despite myself... All of this was worth of it. Being wasted was a great feeling, because everything that usually overwhelmed me, in this state didn't really matter. Yes of course, life and all difficulties connected with it were somewhere out there. But they took a foot from my neck, so I could finally breathe.

I've noticed that Hannibal couldn't take his eyes off me. I thought about it as an advantage and I moved little further. I approached to the place on the floor, where I could find his legs. I rubbed his knees with my head. I could see how helpless he felt in that moment, and I loved it. I wanted to see more.

“So, Haaanibal”. The first syllable sounded more like a groan than a normal pronunciation of his name. It was much sluttier then I intended.

“Correct me if I'm wrong, but my senses of a profiler are rarely mistaken... You’ve wanted to fuck me for a longer time, haven’t you?” I purred, burying my face in his knees.”

I could hear how he took a deep breath. I felt so proud of myself, knowing at the same time how childish it was. I was a thirty-four old man, not a teenage schoolgirl, heated by flirting with her teacher. But God, it felt so good to be for once in charge in presence of Hannibal. If teasing him in such an idiotic way could be considered as being in control. In that moment it was just fun for me. I finally could normally breathe, not being stressed and terrified by what I did with my life, even if it was just for a moment. And consequences? Well...

I felt that Hannibal moved to the edge of the bed and leaned to me, still little bit shocked by what I've said, and I didn't blame him. Probably tomorrow I'll fell to the ground when I recall what I've just said.

“Will, you know that I do not approve such language.” he muttered, getting even closer to me. I could smell alcohol from him, but it was obvious that he was almost sober. Which I couldn't tell about myself. He got even closer and brushed aside one single curl behind my ear. I lift my eyes onto him.

“But yes, I'd love to _fuck_ you really hard.” 

I gasped, feeling a shiver going down my spine. Hearing how Hannibal swears was really extraordinary and yet really appealing. I don't know if it was his husky voice, sharpened by accent or maybe his attitude full of calm and control, that made his swearing so arousing. He must have noticed how it struck me, because he smirked.

“Oh, I didn't know that it would impact on you in this way, dear Will.” he said, moving his hand from my ear to my cheek. His thumb slid on my bottom lip. I could only sit on the floor, looking at him bewitched. Then his touch hardened and fingers tightened around my chin. 

“I can tell you even more. I would love to fuck you so hard, that the only word you'd remember, would be my name.”

Oh huh. This is how it ends, when you put a stick into an anthill. Ants eat you alive. I was the one who should know best that teasing Hannibal never ends in a good way. 

I finally managed to grumble.

“You... should have already noticed, that I have some serious problems.” Hannibal laughed. 

“I guess you are right. How unprofessionally of me.” He pulled me up little bit, so I was kneeling between his legs, resting my hands on his tights. He was looking at me with admiration. Like he couldn't believe in what he saw in front of him. I know that normally I would feel really embarrassed by the way he looked into my eyes, but in my state it was far beyond me. Everything was blurred and I only wished to sink more into Hannibal. 

I wanted to say something, but nothing came into my mind, so I opened my mouth, and quickly shut it. I don't know why, but it embarrassed me and I felt blush spreading on my neck. I've noticed that it amused Hannibal, so it mixed me even more. I wanted to get up, but I've lost my balance and maybe I would have managed to do it, but Hannibal caught my wrist and pulled me down. I fell to the ground, completely dazed. 

“Stay down.” Hannibal only said. 

“Why?” I tried to get up one more time, but Hannibal pushed me down with his leg. I hissed and scowled at him from the ground. 

“Because I am asking you politely.” It really irritated me, but I didn't have time to even to answer, since I felt Hannibal's hands grabbing my arms painfully and his lips brushing against mine. 

I didn't want it in the beginning, so I started to jerk, but Hannibal grip was tight, so tight that the only thing I could do, was surrender. 

Our first kiss was long and deep. It was something for what we both were longing for a great amount of time, more or less consciously. So for each of us this kiss was captivating, full of desire, and yet, on the other hand it felt very proper. It was strange to describe, but it recalled me about something very distant. This memory didn't even had any shape, just a shadow at the edge of my mind. Like a reminiscence from a former life. 

Hannibal brutally interrupted in my metaphysics considerations by pulling my hair. I hissed in pain, tilting my head back, yet he only grabbed my curls harder. I felt his heavy breath on my neck, which was an augury of what was about to come. When I felt his teeth on my neck, I shivered and thrust my nails deeper into his back. Like in respond Hannibal only bit harder into me. I moaned loudly pulling him closer to me. He suddenly stopped and took his hand out of my hair, only to push me to the ground. To this moment we were sitting, but now I found myself lying on a dirty carpet. I was still drunk, so I needed a moment to realize what was going on and it was being pinned to the floor by Hannibal so I could hardly move. I chugged, looking straight into his eyes. He was observing them with admiration all the time when he could. Earlier I tried to dodge it but now I faced it and all that that was entailed with it. 

He moved his palm from my wrists to caress my cheek and then he slid it onto my throat. It was so surreal that we found ourselves in such a situation, after what we've been through. After such a burning hatred that still lived somewhere in our chests. Just as surreal it was to be touched in this way by a man, whom I despised not so long ago and there were moments I still did. But yet I desired him so much. His presence, his voice, his smell. His hands, which were tightening on my throat and instead of being terrified by this, I perceived it more like a liberation from all my nightmares, even if later they were going to be more dreadful.

I gasped to take a breath and closed my eyes. I felt that Hannibal undid a few buttons of my shirt and slid his hand under my shirt, still choking me. His fingers where tightening even more around my neck so I stared to fight for breath. Like in an answer he only kissed me, biting my lips. I tasted blood, but this also didn't interrupt him. He seemed out of his mind. Just like while killing somebody, he took off his person suit and the only thing that have remained, was the beast he truly was. But the point was, that I admired this beast and wanted to see its pure form. 

He stroked and scratched my chest with one hand and with the other he put even more strength on my throat. I moaned and gagged, feeling saliva on my lips. I stopped embracing him and tried to pull his hand off my neck, but at the same time I felt like my pants were more tight than usually. Hannibal also noticed it and commented on it with a smirk, loosing his grip on my throat. 

“I didn't know that choking affects you in this way. Will, boy... I would have tried it long time ago.” After that remark he kissed and bit my collarbone, leaving as many marks as he could. For a moment I could only cough. 

“It affects me in that way... only when I'm choked by serial killers... who are older than me...” I panted with difficulties, putting my hand into his hair and stroking it. Hannibal seemed pleased with my answer so he kissed my jaw and neck. He rubbed his crotch against mine, which was already hard. I made a sound between a purr and sigh. He finally took his hand from my neck, which was a relief for me, but also at the same time a loss. 

While I was catching a breath and stroking Hannibal's hair I felt his lips on my chest. At the same time I felt his fingers unzipping my trousers and crawling into my pants. I gasped with surprise. This action was much more specific than any kissing and teasing could do, so it made me panic a little bit. In this moment there was no way back and I wasn't sure if I had made a good decision. I wanted to get close with Hannibal, I wanted him to fuck me, yes, but on the other hand I wanted to somehow be out of this. I didn't want to fully participate in this situation, because I've just realized that I might not be ready for it, at least mentally. I wanted to put the weight of acting on Hannibal, so I could lie to myself that he didn't give me a choice. Not that I was the one who started all this. How hypocritically of me.

I gasped and grunted trying to attract Hannibal's attention. He finally raised his eyes from my belly, looking at me with hunger in his eyes.

“Yes, Will, darling?”, he murmured, climbing higher and kissing my lips.

“Uh, Hannibal, can I ask you something? It may seem strange.” I think I've noticed some intrigued glimmer his eyes. This old pervert. 

“What is it?”, he said with curiosity, pulling up to look my in the eyes. I dodged, too mixed to confront his sight. 

“Um, well, however it may sound, could you... tie me up a little bit? Like, just hands for example, nothing hardcore.” Hannibal smirked.

“You really are a great study material for a sexologist. Why, my dear Will, do you want to be tied up by me, hm?” 

“I just... want to be out of control...” Oh gosh, I felt so stupid saying this, it was like a line from a cheap porn, but nothing else came to my mind. I felt blush spreading across my cheeks.

For a very brief moment I saw some shadow in Hannibal’s eyes, but then he smiled only with lips, as he always did. 

“Is that so? Very well than, as you wish.” He get off me and sat on a bed. I tried to follow him with my eyes, but I found it hard to focus due to alcohol, which was still circulating through my veins. 

“Stand up” I heard his voice, which was bereft any tenderness, not as earlier. It was harsh and laconic. Somehow it aroused me even more than the way he was speaking earlier. Chiyoh must have been right. I truly might understand only violence. 

I stood up as he ordered me and leaned onto the wall to keep my balance. His eyes full of hunger traced my whole length, from my toes to the top of my head. It made me feel very uncomfortable, spreading heat in my loins at the same time. He also stood up and turned back to me, reaching for a bottle of whisky. 

“Take off your shirt” he said, while pouring a liquor. I tried to undo the buttons, that Hannibal didn't already take care off, but my hands were shaking so much that I couldn't manage. Hannibal only watched me with amusement in his eyes. I finally did it and took off my white shirt. 

“Very well, what a gifted boy you are. Now, lay down.” I obeyed without any hesitation, because this new attitude of Hannibal intimidated me a lot. He took a sip from is glass and unfastened his leather belt, taking it off. I couldn't bare how divinely he looked, with this calmness and strength emanating from his figure. Hannibal only smirked, flattered after seeing such an enchantment in my eyes. He moved along the bed, sliding through my naked chest with a belt. I shivered involuntarily. I've heard his laughter, short and harsh. If I had any self-consciousness left, I was compositely deprived it right now. Hannibal stood behind the bed, so I couldn't see him from this point. He grabbed my hands and pulled it up roughly, pinning it to the vertical plank. He started to tie my wrists with his belt. I felt leather on my skin and it oddly reassured me little bit. But I still was nervous as hell. 

“Do you... often tie people? You seem to have some kind of... proficiency in it.” I've managed to gasp. 

“Only when they ask so nicely like you did.” Hannibal answered, pulling the belt even tighter, so I hissed in pain. I was afraid if blood could reach my palms. 

Hannibal came back into my eyeshot, but it didn't help much. I started to gasp, feeling panicked. Dear God, have I lost my mind? I was completely defenseless right now, at mercy of an insane man. I was breathing so deeply that my chest was going up and down. I closed my eyes, wanting to distance myself from this situation. 

I felt Hannibal's harsh hand caressing my cheek. I slowly opened my eyes, only to meet his. 

“Shhh...Will, deary, you need to calm down.” he hummed into my ear and pressed his lips to my temple. I soothed a little and my breathing slowed down. 

Hannibal sat on me still stroking my cheek. He kissed me once again, but this time it was very slow. When he stopped I could hardly look him in the eyes, because they were so blurred with desire. Hannibal moved his hand to my chest and ribs, stroking them gently. I breathed really slowly to stay focused and not to miss anything of this. His lips slid from mine to my neck. Firstly he just kissed me, but he couldn't help himself and after a moment he was biting me. And it wasn't just teasing. I tried not to, but I've made some moaning sounds few times, a mixture of pain and pleasure. I was also panting and shivering all over my body. I wanted to touch him so much, to return everything he gave me. But I simply couldn't, with my hands tied up. I could only lay there under him and pray not to come before he will be even aroused. 

Hannibal must have felt me twitching, because he raised his head from my neck and send me an eerie smile. He also stared to pant, our breaths mixed. He slowly slid my trousers down, since it was already unzipped, leaving me only in my underwear. 

His kisses and bites were boundless. I felt this burning feeling of his lips, teeth and a bit of saliva everywhere. On my jawline, my chest, my collarbones, on my ribs. All my senses where dimmed, by alcohol and ache for more of him. From all this fog and heat that surrounded me, I could only see his brown-red eyes. 

He moved his head even lower, so I felt his tongue on my belly. I could do nothing about it, but I moaned, feeling completely hard. Hannibal only commented it with a low hum. He kissed my navel and moving very slowly, he kissed everything below it. 

I groaned once and then I could not stop. It was definitely not his first blow job in life, because he was really skillful. His hair was tickling my loans and it only aroused me even more. 

“Ohhh... God...” I gasped. I had to bit my inner side of cheeks to handle this. 

Hannibal stopped for a moment to catch a breath.

“If you want to call your God, you should do it in a proper way. I give you one more chance.” he said and then came back to sucking my dick. 

On the beginning I haven't got any idea what he meant, so I just moaned without saying anything. But then I got what he wanted me to say and almost laughed at him, because of his huge ego and God complex. 

“Al...right... Ahh... Hannibal...” In the beginning I made fun of it, but with every moment that passed I was chanting his name like some kind of prayer and couldn't stop. It was only thing that remained in my head. _Hannibal, Hannibal, Hannibal_...

 

In the moment I was at the edge of coming, he stopped and then got up. In the beginning I couldn't believe. I felt a bit of saliva on my bottom lip.

“Huh, Hannibal...? What the fuck... Jeez, don't leave me like that... Please... I will go crazy if you leave me like that now.”

Hannibal only sent me amused smile and started to stroll around the room.

“Why do you want to rush, Will? We got all night.” I could only pant like crazy, sick from desire and anger and send him a look full of despair. 

Hannibal approached the table and reached a pack of cigarettes. He took one, lit it and inhaled. I was still panting, completely dazed with what was going on.

“Wha..?! I haven't got any idea that... you smoke... I would have... offer you some.” 

“I don't smoke” Hannibal said breathing. “Only on special occasions” he said. And without any warning he burned my pelvis with the cigarette. 

 

I whined out of pain and astonishment. I got used to pain in presence of Hannibal, but I completely wasn't expecting it right now. A strange mixture of pain and excitement spread across my body.

Hannibal was still above me, with disappointment and anger in his eyes. 

“If you really think, that I would fuck you when you're drunk and not fully aware of what is going on, then you are wrong.” He leaned and brushed with his lips on my inner side of tights. Then he bite it so hard, that I've felt blood running down. Once again I made a sound which was a mixture of scream and groan. 

“No dear Will... I will break you... I will break you in the moment you will be absolutely conscious of what is going on. And you won’t be just a passive part of it. No, you will be fully participating in this. In the begging you will beg me to stop. But then... you will pray to me not to stop. After all you are my most faithful believer, even if you try to fight it.” He kissed the place where he bid me, got up and left to the toilet. 

I was panting and shivering, still shocked by has happened. I could feel a blister starting to grow on my pelvis and how slowly blood was running down on my thigh. I jerked with my hands trying to get out, but it was helpless. Oh, just perfect...

How could I ever have thought that I will outsmart Hannibal? How could I have thought that it will be done in my way? Of course that he wouldn't have taken advantage of me while I'm wasted, it wasn't his style. What was I even thinking...? 

 

I nervously gasped, when I saw him walking back to the room, with wet towel and some first aid equipment. He put this towel on my pelvis, in place when he burned me. I sighed, feeling a relief. Then he squatted between my leg and started to disinfect my small, but aching wound on the thigh. I hissed and looked at the ceiling above my head, too afraid to look at his face. I felt like dread caused by this whole situation was climbing higher on my chest.

When Hannibal ended applying a dress, he crawled onto a bed next to me and then leaned above me to untie his belt, so my wrists were finally free. I raised them to have a look at them. 

They were all in red marks. Hannibal took them into his hands and rubbed gently. He had something in his eyes which was similar to sadness, but not entirely. For a brief moment he looked like he wanted to apologize, but then he turned away. He switched off bedside lamp, the only source off light in the room. 

“Goodnight, Will.” I sighed quietly, feeling how panic was spreading through my whole body. My limbs were all stiff and I could hardly breathe. I closed my eyes, but it only made everything worse. 

“Goodnight, Hannibal” 

* * *

 

It was the part of the night just before dawn, when the darkness was the deepest. The feeling of terror, that I had when Hannibal switched off the lights was gone, so I could finally breathe. I haven’t fallen asleep even for a minute, so I kept staring at the ceiling. 

I felt Hannibal's quiet breath and how it dabbed my cheek. I turned my head to have a look at him. When he was sleeping, nothing remained from the beast I could normally see in a daylight. He looked so harmless and mortal, just like any other human being. It occurred to me, that if I would like to kill him, I wouldn’t have any difficulties with it right now. 

I got closer to him to have a better look. All these years, this suffering, this endless pain he caused to me and people I loved could be ended right in this moment. I would be finally free. Free from his manipulations and sick life philosophy. Free from reminiscence of my failure. Free from the darkest corners of my mind. 

I raised myself on elbows to be above him. I could just simply strangle him. After few moments everything could have ended. 

I stayed in this position for a while, looking at him. And then I just lay dawn at his side. I groaned angry at myself. Who was I fooling? I had one occasion to kill him and I've lost. Now it was simply too late. I was sentenced to live with him, because where else could I go? But... was it really bothering me? For now, yes. But I knew that this state wouldn’t last forever and in the end I will full embrace Hannibal and his darkness.

After all, he was right. I truly was his most faithful believer. I've always found his God complex amusing, but now, when I realized I was taking part in his cult, I felt terrified. 

He was my God, my Religion. I could deny it, I could hate him, I could fight him, I could even try to kill him. But in the end I was always crawling back to him. 

 

I was breathing slowly to clear my mind, feeling a strange mixture of anxiety and peace. My head was aching, but I finally felt sleepy. I got closer to Hannibal and put my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes.

And then I finally fell asleep. 

 

 

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Idea of story came into my head while listening the song of Lana del Rey with the same title. SONGS OF LANA SHOULD BE THE MAIN SOUNDTRACK OF HANNIGRAM, JEEZ THEY ALL ARE ABOUT THEM 
> 
> Well, this fic is a mixture of all my kinks, except for Will calling Hannibal "Daddy", but I'm not brave enough to write it right now. When you write something with Daddy Kink it may sometimes seem ridiculous xD  
> I had a very big fun writing it, so I hope you've also liked it.  
> Proofread has been done by my wonderful friend [stardiver](http://archiveofourown.org/users/stardiver/profile). Without her it would be a grammar disaster ;p


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